I, Professor Ellis D. Trails, was born in a Quaker commune outside Haycock Township, Pennsylvania to a barn demolition specialist & a mushroom. When my family was made aware that they were minor heirs to the Trailways bus fortune, they decided to send myself abroad to be educated. In 2000 I was awarded a double-doctorate from Potsdam Polytechnische in amphibian psychology & broadcasting. I am now an associate froglicker at the Reptile Endocrinology Analysis Labs in southern California, where I raise rally monkeys as a hobby.
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