Dear Football Gods,
Its me Fielding. Remember? I offered a thousand dancing cheer-babes that one time in high school if you'd let us beat the weslaco panthers in the annual rivalry game in Bennie La Prade Stadium. You remember now? Kay.
Why do you guys hate the Texans? Seriously, what have we done to deserved such a cursed existence? I thought we were cool, me and you guys, when you brought football back to houston but then i realized something had to be upsetting you guys when you put us in the same division as the colts and titans then gave us those ridiculous moo-cow logos and made Tony Boselli our best player. Its cool im not mad or anything just thought you guys were better than that.
But its been a good joke so far. We're still embarassed for the reggie bush prank you guys pulled last year. Was that you, Fumblius? You always were the funny one. But come on, how much longer can we suffer in the cellar-dwelling existence that is the NFL doldroms? We're tired of picking first and finishing last. Im tired of it. We're football fans to. If you ***** us, do we not bleed? If you give us beer, do we not drink? If you give us wives, do we not ignore them?
tell you what, my wife mandie's a real dish. She's like butter too. Former cheerleader, current babe, always displays cheer-babe profesionalism. this august in the hall of fame game I'm going to take her to a distant mountain (ok, distant parking lot) and offer her up as sweet sweet cheer babe ambrosia if you give us a bid to the playoffs. Sound good? Cool.
Also, im trying out for the arena league, can you guys give me 100 rated speed like my character in madden? Cool.
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Dear Football Gods,
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