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Old 06-04-2006, 03:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Ralph works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling
and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday
she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Ralph! How ya'
doin"?
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Ralph. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Ralph if he'd like his usual
and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she
know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have Bud at the end of the 1st nine, Honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around
Ralph, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
"Hi Ralphy. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Ralph's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the
club. Ralph follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Ralph tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have
mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every
four letter word in the book.

The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez Ralph, you picked up a real
b**** this time."

Last edited by ABuccsFan : 06-07-2006 at 09:50 AM.
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Old 06-05-2006, 12:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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that's funny, LOL
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Old 06-05-2006, 04:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My Private Part Died Today!




An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.

The following day, Mr Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas."

But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pajamas?"






"Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing."
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Old 06-05-2006, 05:47 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I remember that one, doesn't sound the same without the actual word, LOL, still hilarious though, thanks for keeping it clean
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Old 06-07-2006, 09:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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While touring an Indian reservation in North Dakota filming a
documentary, Barbara Walters was puzzled as to why the difference in the
number of feathers in the headdresses. So, she asked a brave who only had
one feather in his headdress.

His reply was: "Only have one woman. One woman, one feather."



Feeling the first fellow was only joking she asked another brave.



This brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two
women. Two women, two feathers."


Still not convinced the feathers indicated number of sexual partners
involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress
full of feathers. Which, needless to say amused Ms. Walters.



She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"



The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em
all. Big, small, fat and tall, me sleep with 'em all."



Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung!"


The Chief said: "You damn right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake"



Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile!"



The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style.... Me
sleep with 'em all."



With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear."



The Chief said: "No deer.. *** too high, run to fast.
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Old 06-09-2006, 04:35 PM   #6 (permalink)
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A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the
dining room table:



"To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and
value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope
that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending
the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be back home before midnight."


When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter
on the dining room table:



"My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that
you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our
local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I
will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is
also the assistant tennis coach.He is young, virile, and like your
secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an
excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the
same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 a
lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back
home until sometime tomorrow."
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Old 06-09-2006, 04:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Anyone get it??? New tork City bus add.

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Old 06-11-2006, 09:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Olaf & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
"Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
"Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vhere dit yew git dat monster??"
"Vell," replied Olaf, "I got it from me Genie."
"You haff a genie in yor tackle box?" Sven asked.
"Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box," says Olaf.
"Could I see him?"
So Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?"
"Yes, I will," says the genie.
So Sven asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks...flying overhead.
Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Olaf. "Yumpin'Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
Olaf answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
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Old 06-11-2006, 09:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."
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Old 06-11-2006, 06:56 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABuccsFan
Anyone get it??? New tork City bus add.

It took me twice
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