There are two types of women–those who love football, and those who don’t. Unerstand that there are sub-categories of those, as well…let’s break them down:
Football Women
These are a dream for the male football fans. They have game-day preparations, superstitions, predictions and insight. It’s an unspoken rule that, come gameday, you’re both watching the game. I landed one of these women. We have “football food” every game day (see recipe section). Food is out, and ready, 15 minutes before the game. Good woman to have.
Pretend Football Women
These women are often single. They prentend to like football, in order to have an advantage with football men. These women know what team they like (depending on the preference of the football man). They will buy a jersey (of the most well-known player), and wear it. Ask them anything about this “favorite player” and you will most likely get a response of “he’s SO cute!”. Chances are, she has several jerseys, from several teams. She accumulates them with every football-man relationship she’s been in.
Beware of these women–it won’t be until after you walk down the aisle that Sunday’s will be reserved for “quality time”. Fights will ensue, and your football woman will disappear, and turn into Sunday Shopping Woman. If she’s willing to leave you home to watch the game, while she goes shopping, fine. But the moment you go with her (bye week), it’ll be expected EVERY Sunday. Yes, beware of these women.
These are the women who also win EVERY football pool, and therefore think they know ALL kinds of stuff about football.
“I HATE FOOTBALL” Women
These gals think football is stupid. Dumb. A waste of a Sunday. “Who wants to sit around and watch guys run around? Don’t you have anythng better to do? There are things you could be doing around this house! Do you hear me?” If you knew this going in to the relationship, it’s your own fault. Buy some earplugs. Build a man fort in the basement. You asked for it…and you have two choices–convert your woman, or live with the *****ing.
Do Women REALLY Understand Football?
Actually, some do. If you’ve got yourself a Pretend Football Woman, there is still hope. Converting a pretend football woman depends on a few factors–if your team sucks, it will be difficult. However, if you have an average or better team, let the conversion process begin.
Inevitably, if the relationship is serious, she will talk about getting married. While most men feel a wave of nausea come over them at the onset of this conversation…this is your perfect time to make a move….
Her: “If we ever get married….blah, blah, blah” (That’s all you’re hearing, anyway.)
You: “If *I* ever get married, she’s got to love football. Watch every game, know what’s going on, get into it with me….”
Done. Her MISSION will be to learn about football. She will be watching ESPN, reading Fox Sports News, whatever she can do to “learn” about it…because, in her mind, the next step is wedding bells. Your mission is accomplished.
If you are already married, you need to enlist the help of a wingman–someone who has a Football Woman, and will bring her over on Sunday. Once your lady realizes that the two of them aren’t going to be sitting in the kitchen, talking about Grey’s Anatomy, she will have no choice but to participate.
Bottom line is you are a football man. You’ve always BEEN a football man. That shouldn’t change, because your lady thinks it’s “dumb”. If the two of you can agree to disagree–just do your own thing on gameday, with no arguing–that’s great. But if you are going to fight for 16 weeks (plus draft day, during Sports Center, or while you make your fantasy picks), you’re in for a long season.
Football Women
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